Musing September 2010

Opportunity = Choice

Early this summer I had an unusual experience.  I scheduled a few days to photograph with a student I had worked with a number of years ago. He was retired, an avid photographer, rekindling his passion for working with his view camera, and he was recovering from a stroke. I spoke with him about what he wanted to photograph and with his wife about his physical limitations. It was agreed that with me as “assistant,” Fort Knox and the Olson House would be good locations for us to focus on. We had a great first day shooting. The weather was perfect, we enjoyed catching up through a day of leisurely conversations and when I dropped him off at the hotel for dinner with his wife he was tired but happy. His wife called me at 6:30 the next morning to say that he had suffereda massive stroke in the night and was dying.

Although he was not my closest friend, we were well acquainted, having worked together several times over the years as well as spending the entire previous day photographing. So, his death struck close to home. Thinking about the events of that week I’ve had a few thoughts…

Life is short. We never know when the end of our days is coming. This friend’s death reminded me of this truth. His determination to make photographs made it possible for him to spend his last day of life as a photographer. He chose to put making photographs before anything else on his “to do” list. Over the years I have learned that if I don’t go out and make new photographs at every opportunity I will spend my life talking about work that I did further and further in the past. Opportunity = Choice. I make my opportunities every day, making the choice to photograph rather than doing other things. Every day brings new choices, new opportunities for how I spend my time. I hope that the drive and determination to make photographs stays with me until my own last day is spent.

I can’t spend each day behaving as if it is the last day of my life. That means I can’t just photograph all day, every day. I also have to take care of the routine and mundane details that make it possible for me to photograph. I have to make time for the people and other things in my life that are important to me. I value being a part of a family, having friends, being involved in my community. I am a lucky man to be able to spend weeks at a time making photographs, but these are balanced out by time spent in my darkroom, in the office and in the classroom teaching. If I spend every day doing just what I want, justifying my actions because “it might be my last day” then everything that makes it possible to photograph will disappear and in the end I won’t be able to make photographs. Furthermore, always living on the edge of life being over doesn’t leave much room for being open to life’s possibilities. In fact, it seems a pretty “glass half empty” way of living.

So how do I combine these nearly opposite dictums? Every day I try to take care of what is important to me, with an eye towards the future. I tell the people I love that I love them, every day. Every day I try to follow my passion and figure out a way to make a living out of that passion. By planning, I make it possible to follow my dreams into the future. I plan workshops, photo projects, and schedule time in the darkroom. When I’m not out photographing I take care of business, answer phone calls and emails, prepare for upcoming workshops, reworking them from the experiences gained by teaching them. I make time for my family, make the effort to get regular exercise, keep in touch with friends. Every day I try to do the little things that keep my life balanced.

By planning for the future I take care of the present. By keeping in touch with those who are important to me I stay grounded, and by making time for my photography I follow my passion. I may not be able to spend my last day on earth making photographs, but if I have made photographs whenever possible, planned for the future, and told those I love I love them, then when my last day comes I will, hopefully, have no regrets.

Follow your passion. Take care of the everyday things that allow you to do this and tell those you love that you love them.

All the best,

Tillman