Musing October 2015

Joie de Vivre

Hearing your doctor say, “You are an interesting case” does not instill confidence of any kind. I spent three days in the hospital being poked and prodded this summer and left feeling better, but not much wiser. The good news is that all the bad stuff got ruled out. Even better, my health and energy have returned, something that had been missing since early spring.

What is my great lesson from this lost summer? For nearly 40 years I have defined my life through photography. This summer I couldn’t make a photograph. I never really understood how much physical and emotional energy is required to make art until I didn’t have either. Before this experience I believed if some physical problem prevented me from working with my view camera I would simply switch over to the digital camera. From my brief encounter with incapacity I learned I couldn’t even do that.

I have known for a long time that I require good emotional energy to work. To make good work I have to have the will to put myself out there, to still the doubting thoughts of can’t and don’t. I took it for granted that any inability to work was “in my head” and therefore something I could change by changing the thoughts. I didn’t know how interwoven the physical and emotional components are tied. I learned that if I can’t get myself out of bed how could I expect to think about making a photograph?

This has given me a humbling appreciation for everyone, friends, students and colleagues, who face individual limits every day. I have a greater appreciation for how hard you work to bring images to life, to create art that speaks of your view of the world. The courage you show is inspirational. I thought of myself as understanding and accommodating for all the students in my workshops, believing I understood what you were going through. Looking back I see how little I could. I understand a little better now and encourage you to be more frank and direct if I am not making it possible for you to be a part of the workshop.

Just because Joseph Sudek only had one arm doesn’t make his photographs great. However, having lost that arm during World War I might have influenced what he chose to photograph, how he did so, and how driven he was to do his work. Did he know how important his work would become in the history of photography? Probably not, as others make those decisions.

As artists we work all of our lives to make one or two images that we can really say “good job” to ourselves. Others will decide, possibly long after we are gone, whether these are important images or not. All we know is that we are driven to create these images, to express ourselves, to make art. Whether it lives in a museum, a family archive or ends up (God forbid) in the recycling bin, what really matters are that we tried, we worked, and we created.

Whatever today puts in your way, I hope you find that putting camera to eye or image to paper brings you moments of joie de vivre!

A happy fall to you all!

Tillman